Revenge Au Deux
by Caz Dowse
Summary: After an incident at Tolerance camp, two girls decide to take their revenge on Eric Cartman.


**Revenge Au Deux**

**A/N: This is just a short story about two characters from the episode Death Camp Of Tolerance.**

**Requested by Mizaki Ayuzawa234. **

It was recess at South Park Elementary School. All around children ran, shouted and played – except one girl. She sat at the bottom of the Jungle Jim, staring at a group playing soccer. Behind her, another girl dangled from the bars, swinging herself carefully between them.

"Hey Tammy, come play!" she called.

The first girl ignored her. The second girl sighed, dropped to the ground and sat down next to her friend. Their names were Tammy Rogers and Susan Trainor - although their names aren't that important. You probably won't remember them.

"What are you looking at?" Susan asked.

Tammy remained silent. Susan followed her gaze to the soccer players.

"Oh man, not this again," she said. "You've gotta let it go, Tam."

"Look at him, acting like nothing happened!" Tammy said, as though Susan hadn't spoken. "How can he do that when it's all I can think about?"

"Because he's Eric Cartman," Susan said quietly.

"I don't care who he is. I want an apology." Tammy got up and marched across the playground towards the soccer match. Susan sighed again and followed her. Tammy had been like this ever since the Tolerance camp. Brooding. Angry. Susan kept trying to distract her, but nothing worked. She just wanted things to go back to normal – whatever that was.

Eric Cartman was sitting in between two coats that were acting as goalposts, eating a chocolate bar and watching the game with a bored expression. He flapped a hand lazily at the ball as it flew past him into the makeshift goal.

"Come on Cartman, at least try and save it," Stan Marsh said, as Token Black wheeled away in celebration.

"Go have sex with yourself, Stan," the fat slob replied.

"We're losing five zero because of you!" Kyle Broflovski shouted.

"I told you I didn't want to play in goal!"

"The fatass always goes in goal. That's the rule!"

"I'm not gonna play by your stupid Jew rules, Kyle!"

Kyle turned away in disgust. Butters Stotch fetched the ball and the game restarted.

"Hey, Cartman!" Tammy shouted.

Cartman started, and turned to look at the two girls standing beside him. "What?"

"Say sorry. Right now!"

"What for?"

"Stop fucking about. You know what you did!"

Cartman stared at Tammy. "Who the hell are you?"

"You know who we are! We want an apology for what you did to us at Tolerance camp!"

The ball rolled past him again, and this time it was Wendy Testaburger celebrating. Susan heard Kyle's agitated cry of "Dammit, Cartman!"

"Tolerance camp?" Cartman frowned. "You're gonna have to help me out. A lot of shit went down there."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Tammy was shaking with fury. Cartman just stared, taken aback by this crazy girl. "We were hiding in the Portapotty and you crapped on us and ratted us out to a guard!"

Cartman laughed, as if at a fond memory. "Yeah, that sounds like me."

"Its not funny! They forced us to make macaroni pictures until our fingers bled! I start shaking whenever I see pasta now!"

"Tolerance camp was ages ago. Get over it."

"It was last week!"

Cartman stood up. "I'm done with this. Go bitch at someone who cares."

"Not until you apologise."

"I'm not gonna apologise for something I can't remember doing. And even if I did remember it, I wouldn't."

The bell rang for the end of recess and the kids began trooping back inside. Cartman walked past Tammy and Susan without another word. Kyle picked up the ball and the soccer players followed.

"Why is Cartman always on my team? Why can't you have him for once?" he said to Stan. Stan didn't reply. He had the glazed expression of someone who had heard this complaint a hundred times before.

Tammy and Susan watched them go. "I knew that wouldn't work," Susan muttered.

Tammy wasn't listening. "I'm sick of this," she said.

"Of what?"

"Feeling like a background character in my own life," Tammy said. "Cartman doesn't even remember us. I mean, if we did something like _that _to someone, we'd remember it, right?"

"I guess."

"So it's time for us to take centre stage, Su. We'll make everybody remember us."

"How?"

The grin on Tammy's face was wide and unnatural. Susan began to feel nervous.

"We're going to get even with Eric Cartman."

Susan arrived at Tammy's house the next morning, as she always did, to get the school bus with her. Just as she was about to knock at the front door, Tammy's mother opened it.

"Hey Susan."

"Hey Mrs Rogers. Is Tammy ready?"

"I think so. Um, Susan? Can you come here a second?"

Susan had walked towards the stairs, but now she turned back. "I-Is everything okay?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you." Mrs Rogers looked around, as if she was afraid someone might be eavesdropping. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Does Tammy seem okay to you? Its just that I heard her last night walking around, muttering to herself. She's so moody, too. Has she said anything to you?"

Susan swallowed hard. "No. She seems fine to me."

That seemed to reassure Mrs Rogers. "Perhaps I am worrying too much. If there was anything wrong you'd tell me, right?"

"Sure." Susan started for the stairs again, desperate to get away from her. "I've gotta go..."

She ran up to Tammy's room before Mrs Rogers could question her any further. She felt bad about lying, but Tammy would kill her if she thought that Susan had told her mum about the Eric Cartman revenge plan. Luckily there wasn't a plan - yet. She had to try and talk Tammy out of it before they both got into trouble. She knocked on Tammy's bedroom door and went in.

The sight that met her was one that she had never seen before. Tammy was sitting on her bedroom floor surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers. Chocolate was smeared around her mouth, and on her hands. On the floor in front of her was a series of drawings with chocolatey fingerprints on them.

"Tammy?" Susan's voice shook a little. She began playing with her crucifix necklace, something she always did when she was nervous.

Tammy looked up, blinking rapidly. "Su? What are you doing here?"

"We-we have to go to school. What are you doing? You never touch sugar."

"If we want to beat Eric Cartman we have to _think_ like Eric Cartman and the only way to think like Eric Cartman is to _be_ like Eric Cartman. Do you get it?" Tammy looked tired, but her eyes were wide and she was speaking so quickly that Susan could hardly keep up. Tammy was on the biggest sugar rush of her life. She grabbed a handful of the drawings and held them up. "I've been making plans and...wait, we have to go to school? What time is it?"

"Nearly eight thirty. We have to go now or we'll miss the bus." Susan looked down at Tammy. She was still in her pyjamas. "Have you been up all night?"

Tammy stood up. She clutched her drawings to her chest and looked around, as if she wasn't quite sure where she was. "Go wait downstairs. I'll get Mom to give us a ride."

"Um, okay." Susan backed out of the room.

Thanks to Mrs Rogers, they made it just in time for class. Susan watched Tammy with increasing alarm as the morning wore on. The girl kept muttering to herself while staring at Cartman and eating sweets that she had hidden in her backpack. Her left leg had started twitching. At lunchtime the two girls went to a quiet corner of the playground and Tammy pulled her screwed up drawings out of her bag.

"Tam, we need to talk about this," Susan said. She was holding her crucifix even tighter.

"I had so many ideas last night. It was like I couldn't stop -" Tammy paused and her saucer like eyes got even wider. She turned around and vomited on to the grass. To Susan's horror, she reached into her backpack for another handful of sweets. "This is what Eric Cartman does. I followed him home after school yesterday and watched him. He eats junk until he's sick. Maybe that's why he's so evil." She stuffed the sweets into her mouth. "I want to be evil too."

"Or maybe he's got an eating disorder," Susan said. She edged away from Tammy and the brown puddle of vomit.

"Whatever." Tammy laid her drawings out on the ground in front of them. "So this is what I came up with." She pointed at the first one. It was a scribbled sketch of a house with two stick people inside – one of which was considerably fatter than the other. Two other stick people stood in front of the house, and one appeared to be throwing something. "Plan A: we throw flaming bags of dog poop at Fatasses' house."

"That's not really fair on his mom," Susan said. "We're taking revenge on Cartman, not her."

"Okay." Tammy screwed up the drawing, threw it away and opened another. This one was a sketch of a bedroom, with a fat stick figure staring in horror at piles of brown stuff that was scattered all over the bed, the floor and his toys. Two female stick figures peered through the window, grinning. "How about this? We wait until they go out and fill his bedroom with a ton of horse poop."

"Where are we going to find a ton of horse poop? And how would we get it into his room?" Susan asked impatiently.

Tammy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Fine." She unrolled a third drawing. This one was a very rough sketch of – Susan guessed – a well, and it was full of brown stuff. The Tammy and Susan characters were in a digger that was dumping the stuff into the well. When Susan looked again, she could see a red coated arm sticking out of the, er, well, you know. "This is my favourite," Tammy said. "All we do is-"

"Let me guess," Susan said wearily. "We lure Cartman up to the wishing well on the hill, push him into it and then steal a digger and dump a load of horse poop on top of him."

"No, actually," Tammy said. "It's cow poop."

"Right. So all we have to do is find a load of cow poop, learn how to drive a digger and then steal one."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not on board with this?"

"Because it's insane. Even you must be able to see that."

"So what? We just give up?"

"Yes!" Susan shouted.

"I can't!" Tammy's eyes filled with tears. "I think about what he did to us every day. I have nightmares about it! I can still smell it, no matter how many showers I have! So how am I supposed to forget about it?"

"You have to try, Tam, because I can't take this any more."

Tammy bit her lip. "I can't. I won't. He is gonna pay for what he did."

"Then I guess we can't be friends any more." Susan walked away a few steps, then turned back. "By the way, your ideas are crap – literally!"

She ran away across the playground, gripping her crucifix tightly.

Tammy and Susan didn't speak for a week. Every time Susan saw her, she would turn and walk the other way. Tammy was on a downward spiral: still binge eating candy, still obsessing over Eric Cartman. She had put on weight, and her clothes were straining at the seams. Her teeth were going black and her face was marked with spots. The other fourth grade girls were giving her a wide berth. Susan hated it. She wanted things to go back to how they were before the Tolerance camp, before Eric Cartman. Back to when they had...wait, what had it been like? Susan struggled to remember a time before the Tolerance camp. She couldn't even really remember Tammy. It was weird – it was almost like they hadn't existed before that incident in the Portapotty.

But these things have a way of working themselves out, especially in South Park. And that's exactly what happened.

Susan was eating lunch in the canteen one day when Tammy came racing up to her. She was sweating and her face was red, but she looked excited.

"I did it, Su!" she exclaimed.

"Did what?"

"I got revenge on Eric Cartman."

Susan sighed. "Which was it? Horse poop or cow poop?"

"Neither." Tammy sat down next to her and pointed at Cartman, who was sitting with his friends at another table. "See that white bottle he's holding?" Susan looked. It was one of those sports bottles that her dad took with him to the gym. Tammy giggled. "I put something in it." There was a gleam in her eyes that Susan didn't like.

"What did you do?"

"Wait and see."

They watched as Cartman unscrewed the cap. As he went to take a drink, Butters spoke to him. Cartman rolled his eyes and gave the bottle to Butters, who took a long, deep swig.

Tammy stood up. Her eyes were wide with horror. "No! No no no no!"

"What's in there, Tammy?" Susan asked.

Tammy didn't reply. She and Susan stared at Butters. For a few moments nothing happened, and then Butters groaned and clutched his stomach. Some of the other boys looked at him and asked what was wrong. Butters cried out and staggered away from the table. He ran out of the canteen, his cries echoing down the corridor.

Susan grabbed Tammy's arms and pulled her friend round to face her. "Tammy, what did you put in the bottle?"

Tammy's mouth opened and closed silently. "L-Laxatives!" she spluttered.

Susan did a double take. "Laxatives? That's it? That was your big plan? I thought it was poison!"

"Poison? Do you think I'm a psycho or something?"

"All those big plans you were making and that's the best you can do? Laxatives in his drink?"

"I could've come up with something better if I'd had help, but you abandoned me!"

The canteen quietened as everyone listened to their argument.

"It was making you crazy!" Susan shouted. "I was worried about you! But laxatives? That's just pathetic."

"If you think you can come up with something better, go for it!"

"Fine!" Before she knew what she was doing, Susan had marched across to Eric Cartman's table. She climbed on to it, pulled her underwear down and squatted over his plate. With a Herculean effort, she squeezed a turd out on to his lunch.

"Dude!" Kyle said.

Chef, who had been watching all this, pressed the silent alarm under the counter.

Susan pulled her underwear up and jumped down from the table. Tammy, much like the rest of the room, was staring at her, aghast.

"What the hell," she said.

"Now you've made _me_ crazy," Susan said. She turned to Cartman, who was sitting there openmouthed. He looked from the two girls to the mess on his plate. "That was for Tolerance camp," Susan said, in a shaky voice.

Cartman finally found his voice. "I. Don't. Know. You."

"Jesus Christ," Tammy said.

Susan clutched her crucifix. "Don't blaspheme, you fat bitch."

"Shut up, you god bothering twat."

"Anybody got a harpoon? There's a fucking whale in the room."

"Your church supports paedophiles, you self righteous prick!"

"What is going on here?"

Susan spun round. Principal Victoria was standing behind her, glaring at both girls.

"Principal Victoria!" she spluttered.

"Did I hear that right? Did you insult your friend's weight?"

"I...I..."

"And you?" Principal Victoria turned to Tammy. "Did you just insult the Catholic Church?"

Tammy's mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.

"Screw that! The short one crapped on my lunch!" Cartman said.

"I will not accept intolerance in this school," Principal Victoria said, ignoring him. "I think you two need an extended stay at Tolerance camp."

"No!" Tammy cried out.

But it was too late. Principal Victoria was already making calls on her cell phone. By the time lunch break finished twenty minutes later, Tammy and Susan were being escorted into a waiting car outside the school. Their fellow fourth graders watched as the car drove away, with Tammy and Susan hammering desperately on the back window.

"I wonder if we'll ever see them again," Stan said.

"Butters is still crapping his ass off," Kyle said. "This is all your fault, Cartman."

"I'm the victim here!" Cartman protested. "That girl crapped on my lunch! Girls are all bitches. Look at Wendy." He smiled. "And Kyle's mom."

Kyle realised what was coming. "Don't do it, Cartman!"

But Cartman could already hear the music in his head. "Weee-ll..."

By the time everybody had finished singing 'Kyle's Mom Is A Bitch' and gone back inside, they had all forgotten about Tammy and Susan. Will they ever return? Will anybody remember them? Probably not. But that's what happens when you become part of the story of South Park.


End file.
